I haven't written for the longest time. I feel deep shame because even though I write about being strong and fighting the good fight, I haven't really gotten out in a while and the only fighting I have been doing is with my own personal demons. I feel shame for it because I feel what one might feel if they went on a diet with their friends and at night they go home and eat a dozen cupcakes. In order to not be a hypocritcal fraud, I stayed away from my own blog.

Now that I am back, I don't feel really compelled to talk about the world of politics or the democratic convention. I think Kerry did a great job and I think momentum is building. Good for him. I just worry if it will be enough. What more can we do if they might steal or postpone the election anyway? I don't want to be a defeatist, however, I do have to be realistic and prepare myself for what might be.

I watched this film on HBO tonight called, Capturing the Friedmans. It was a very bizarre mix of home movies and documentary about a father and son-The Friedmans-who are arrested and later plead guilty to sexual abuse of minors. Now this film was in no way impartial. You can tell the director was really trying to prove a case for their innocence and show their was misconduct by the lawyers and police officers involved. I agree that all of it was really mishandled. I don't know how much of it was truth and made up after the fact. For example, after the father pleads guilty, the younger son eventually cuts a deal as well on the advice of his lawyer and is convinced that if he tells the judge he too was abused by his father he would get off easy. It didn't work that way. He served 13 years. He blames the lawyer, the lawyer blames him. Who knows what is truth? Who knows what is fiction? The father was disturbed; there was no doubt about that. The son got fucked over. The mother was a looney and the oldest brother was in the deepest denial I have ever seen and totally blamed his mother for everything, completely forgetting that his father admitted to being a pedophile and eventually committed suicide, which the eldest son called a "surprise heart attack."

I recommend you watch this film and share your thoughts with me. I also saw The Village by M. Night Shamaylan.
(I really don't know if I spelled that right). I thought it was really awesome. Next up for me is The Manchurian Candidate.

I really must say how tired I am of mainstream media. I can't even watch the news or any of those smiling, empty vessels as they read in a monotone from a teleprompter. During the DNC you could tell just how mentally incapacitated these anchorpeople were because as stirring and emotional the speeches were, they could not think of anything intelligent to say regarding Al Sharpton except that he went over his time limit and other complaints about the steamers and balloons. I refuse to watch it anymore. These are not trained journalists. (Sorry Katie Couric, even you ask questions that are without merit and then you end up answering them for the guests so all they do is smile and nod back at you.) I only read the news now. If you have to string a sentence together, if you have to write out an article and put it in print you are immortalizing your claims in a very concrete way. You are promising the public that what you say is true because they can SEE it right there in front of them. It's a pact with your readers that you believe more fervently in a what you say and it is a challenge for them to challenge you on your investigations. There are some great websites to get your news from. I read them all with the same critical eye that I use to read mainstream newspapers such as the NY Times. Don't be afraid to write the papers with your opinions. The media is under the impression that they can go unchecked and that has made them lazy. They report sensational stories instead of searching for truth and reporting it with a neutral tone and disposition. If it happened, the public should know. End of story.

On Air America the other morning, one of the Marks on the morning show commented that there was no television personality like Walter Kronkite to turn to and just know that he spoke the truth. Really I have no words about Walt. He was great and I can't think of anyone my generation has that comes close to that. Except maybe Kurt Loder of MTV. He has matured along with the channel. He has gone head to head with Courtney Love and Madonna at their bitchiest and at the same time, thank you very much, and he has seen me through Kurt Cobain's suicide and the many legal troubles of Michael Jackson. If it happened, he lets us know. Thank you Kurt. Keep up the good work.

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